I am a very frustrated middle aged women. I find the lack of knowledge in the younger generation about women's rights and activism to be down right wrong on all of our parts. I think the strict and unfair rules of some of the older generations are embarrassing and slowing our movement. But over all I am so damn sick that it is 2016 and we are still not equal fully. I mean really..how long will this take? How many more years until it is unfair for any male to make more than a women on the same level? How many years until the insurance quote isn't about if your a male or if your a female..and the difference in price. It is just plain maddening and I want to scream half the time/ Instead I say nothing and walk away. The sad fact is there is so much going on all the time around all of us..who can compete with it. You have the trump and Hillary people at war with each other..the blacks are all pissed off at me cause im white..and everyone who is white is supposed to be a raciest. Then you have the gun right people at war with each other to..then all the shootings and attacks and sick messed up shit going on. The great gay movement fro bathrooms is drumming on. Immigrant bashing and closing the border protests every where..people out of work and low on money complaining...just a tornado of issues spinning around and around and around.
I just watch people, and I listen. Half the time I try to speak my mind I am spoken over. I don't know if that is because I am a women, and a soft voiced one at that or if my views are just not something they want to hear because it usually is the opposite approach and one with a peaceful nature. WHY is everyone so mad..so ready to pick up and flood the gates. I mean really...is it that bad?. And is that going to help anyone? No. Obviously we all need to work on our communication skills and then maybe we wont have these issues. I think the whole world needs anger management and communication therapy. For real.
I think a lot about where the world is headed in this day and age and for my future. It is really hard to stomach the fact that I don't see much good in it. I hope for it and I pray for it but when I picture it in my head, I cant see sunshine and rainbows. Not for me in my life time and not for my children. There is such a deep rooted sadness in me. I cant figure it out. I don't know if it is because I believe that humanity as dwindled. And compassion is sizzling out..as well as respect and honor. All the things that once existed, how people once treated one another, it will never be that way again. I feel like the angels are just weeping all the time, if that makes any damn sense to anyone. I mean..look at this world. It is so dark, so angry and bitter, and full of greed and resentment, there is no respect for life..no respect for people. Violence is every where..evilness..just plain black souls. And they come in many..then thousands..now millions. Im just shaking my head. What do I do, how can I..little me do anything to stop this. I just want to wave my hands..scream out.. "STOP IT PLEASE. JUST STOP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE MINUTE> ENOUGH NOW....LET IT GO. COME BACK TO THE LIGHT>>COME BACK TO KINDNESS AND GRACE. BECAUSE WERE KILLING OURSELVES HERE." But even if I did. No one would listen to me. I would be shoved aside and told to shut up or they would march on angrily around me as if I had never said a word. Because people don't want to be stopped or questioned anymore. They have already chosen which way they want to be. And I have never felt more alone in my life. I know that there is good here to, others who feel the way I do..and also feel alone. I take comfort in that..that although we live to our own paths, were all in this together still. Maybe one day our numbers will rise up, that people will take a minute to think and choose peace when making choices. I pray for that every day..in my heart I have faith that we are still capable of that. But it will be a fight..a deep rooted struggle and I know that in someway I have a part to play in it..maybe just for my own life..but I feel like writing or speaking about it will reach others. Maybe spark an idea that gives us cause to fight back against what we don't want to tolerate anymore...what we want to rid the future of. How can we save ourselves from damnation. I have no idea. It is above my level or capacity to know that lol. But I really wish I knew what direction to go. I wish I didn't feel so lost. I guess I just have to dig in and find a reason to fight for. To feel that drive push me to do what I have to do..in what ever way I can to help. Maybe it is small..but every small..every big part makes up the whole. I must look at the big picture..think hard..and prepare for what I fear most. War. I have not slept soundly in quite some time. I don't think I ever will again. A heavy conscience and a saddened soul..knowing there is more ugly coming..and hoping beyond all hope that you are wrong. This is reality. I wont shy from it, I wont run from it. I will learn to harbor in it and grow strength for the fight. I will not go quietly into the dark...I will light up the dark..light up the dark from within. I will march on even with sore bloody feet...I will bang my fists on the chests of evil even when they are broke and riddled with pain..I will stare death in the face and smirk..knowing I gave it all the fight I had and I stood up to it. I didn't succumb. I didn't cave..I fought and lived brave. That is what I hope is truth..but..you never know what your capable of when shit hits the fan. I just have to try to stay on the right side. Do what I think is best and right for myself and others. And keep being good when it is easier to be evil. That is all any of us can do. All of you out there. Chin up. It is time to think..to prepare...to build your house..make your stand. Where ever you are..whoever you are..I am out there to..doing the same as you. Others are to. We will be alright..no matter what happens to our bodies..no matter what task we have to complete..we will be okay..and in the end, together. They are alone..we never will be. You never walk alone..you have an army that stands with you and above you. God bless you all..each and every one..on both sides. I just want us all to stop fighting...but I think that is most peoples wish..in that is a sign of good to come I would suspect.
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