I cant believe I am here. I cant believe I am doing this. I must be out of my damn mind to think that I could do something this crazy. But, here goes nothing. I'm a eighteen year old women, free from the pressures of adolescence. High school is behind me. Now all I have is a out of date sowing machine that used to belong to my grandmother a few thousand dollars I managed to save from serving burgers in a diner, a suitcase with my own self made clothing and the great big apple waiting to swallow me up. This is the city of dreams for someone like me, and others torment. I hope I don't become the latter.
Taking a breath I walk down the side walk. I didn't have a plan, I didn't know where I was going to be staying. I just had to get the hell out of that hell hole I grew up in. I guess my story is similar to the millions of girls that come here, escaping a nasty childhood with two abusive asshole parents,pissed off because I have my youth and my whole life ahead of me and their drowning in misery. I never cared much for my parents. I figured I was better off there then in some girls home somewhere. Its not like your likely to get adopted as a teenager. So, I did my time, kept my head down. I got good grades and worked at a stinky old dinner that didn't ask how old I was. I got by. I even managed to get into a fashion design school right here in the city. Of course, housing doesn't come with it. But I had to take the chance in front of me. All I want out of life is to make my own clothing and make enough to survive doing it. I don't need to be some big hot shot. That isn't why I'm here. I'm here to learn from the heart of the fashion world. Something I couldn't get in my run down trailer park in upstate New York. The best fashion advice I got from there was every example of how to make it to the fashion police line up. That place was sucking the life out of me. Just moments after stepping off the bus, I already felt a freedom like never before. I made my way down the side walk with my head a little higher. I was here and I was going to make it work. There was no going back. I was on my own from here on out and I was going to make something of myself.
After walking a few blocks I found a pizza place and went in. I got a slice and got to work on my i phone goggling places I could stay. I wanted to stay close to school since I only had a week until classes started. I needed to find a place to live and a job before then. It was going to be a lot of work, but hard work never scared me. I bet I could make a killing here serving. I bet more people come in, in one day then two years at the boring dead end town I sprouted from. The possibilities here were endless. I just had to reach out and take them. After twenty minutes of battling myself over budget, I found a hotel six blocks away for less then a hundred dollars a night. I couldn't believe how much things cost in the city. I had fifteen thousand dollars, but that was it. My entire life savings and the only safety net I had. I couldn't afford to be frivolous. I would get in touch with a Realtor first thing and find an apartment I can pay a few months ahead in rent in. I needed to make sure every move I made was careful. It was easy to get caught up in the city. I hoped one day I was able to afford to be swept up and just buy what I felt like without worrying. I suppose after a year here I can do that. All good things come in time. School was a priority, getting a job was a priority. Fun could come later. Unlike most eighteen year olds, the party was the furthest thing from my mind. After all, my parents partied their whole life...look where that got them. No thanks. Besides, I don't enjoy puking and feeling like shit.
I arrived at the hotel, and as I expected it was a creepy place. It was rented by the hour so the people in the lobby were not the business hours type of worker if you know what I mean. I paid them no mind. I may not of had hookers all around my home town, but there was plenty of hoes. The only difference is one is smart enough to spin a profit off of it. I don't begrudge anyone, I just hope im never in the situation where selling my body is my only option. But as someone who grew up in the thick of shit, sometimes its all people know how to do. We only know what were shown in this life. I'm just going to work extra hard so I dont end up in the life like so many of my peers. Most are married and pregnant by twenty. Sure, I wanted kids one day. But not until my house was in order. After checking in with the bitchy but hip man dressed as a women, I went to my room and locked myself in. I didn't turn around when I turned the lights on. I didn't want to see any roaches. Id rather pretend they were not there. The wallpaper was yellow and peeling off the walls in the corners. There was the old smoky smell of years of drunk exhales that lines this place. I hoped the sheets were at least washed before they let her rent it out. But this was what I could afford, so I would make do.
After a luke warm shower and a pair of fresh clothing, I went out to walk around. I wasn't going to spend any money on anything but when I went past a street vender I saw this beautiful painting of a girl dancing in the rain, the city alive around her, but shes caught up in the childlike dance of joy. I bought it for ten dollars. It was the first thing I bought for my first place in my new life, and it suited my mood perfectly. I supposed I would remember this day every time I looked at it hanging on whatever wall I find. Somewhere in this big city was a place for me to call my own. After a few hours of window shopping and stopping to watch street performers and listening to the hustle and bustle of the city. I went back to my room. I needed to get an early start.
In the morning I went to the nearest Realtors office, three blocks away. I told her the area I was interested in seeing and she already had a few ready for me to see. I waited for her to make a few calls, and then we were on our way with her driving service. I felt like I was some wealthy queen, I just hoped she was someone who understood what a tight budget meant. When we pulled up to the building I knew she hadn't missed my budget at all. It was a stone building, and it wasn't very pretty. It felt like a prison to me, but I was willing to give it a chance. The area looked to be a little bit on the rough side, and the way the Realtor didn't want to loiter let me know I was not going to want to spend much time out on the stoop. I went in and looked at a shoe box with a bed that came out of the wall. I wanted to throw up at the smell of old and musty. I didn't care what my budget was at that point, no way in hell was I staying in that place. I could work with little, but that was pushing it. I wouldn't be surprised to find out someone was murdered in there once. The place just creeped me out. We moved on to another place a few blocks up. The neighborhood wasn't much better, but people would smile at us as we passed. I thought that was a better sign. The building was the typical New York high rise apartment building. Nothing to fancy but it wasn't ugly either. we went up to the fifth floor. The apartment was very small but she had a separate room for her bed and everything was updated. I could hear the neighbors through the wall and smell what they were cooking. But I could handle that. Its not like trailers are good at containing noise either. I asked her how far it was from my school. She said it was only a ten minute walk. I didn't know how much that was in distance but I figured it was more around twenty minutes to a half hour. I knew location was something they embellished on to suite themselves. I asked to see the final place she had to show me. It was a lot cheaper than I had asked for but when I got there and realized it was a dorm house, it made sense. I had my own room and bathroom but I would have to share a kitchen and common areas with other members of the house. The stipulation to live there is you have to be a student somewhere Manhattan, which I obviously fit that bill. They offered year leases at a time, and since it was so cheap she wouldn't have to stress so much. It was a unisex home, and the only rule was to keep the noise down after ten pm unless there is a mutual agreement on entertaining. I met the land lord and signed right away. I knew I wanted to have my own place but this wasn't any different then what most people get in a normal college situation. The more I could save, the better off I would be. If I didn't like it I could find somewhere else. It was my first full day in the city and I already had a place to stay. I accomplished my first goal. I had six more days to land a job and then things would be perfect. For the first time I took a breath of relief. I really could do this.
I went back to the hotel to check out and collect my things. I went strait back to the dorm house and met my neighbor Aidan. He was in a hurry but he made sure to shake my hand and introduce himself, even asked me out to pizza the next night to get to know each other. I accepted, I had a boyfriend before, I wasn't new to the whole men thing. I went through a little bit of a phase when I was pissed off at the world. I made a few mistakes. I'm not proud of it, but I made a vow to myself that I would never sleep with someone I didn't really love again. I wasn't going to go down a road I didn't want to go. I was in a rush to see what the fuss was about, and now I know. Everyone is allowed a few stupid things when their young, right? At least I was already making friends, that was a positive thing. I had a place, and I met a new person. I was feeling pretty good about myself. When I went to sleep that night, I dreamt of only happy hopes and dreams.
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